That odd sensation

I wish I knew how to describe how this feels. Each time is different, and I think that’s part of what makes this horrible. You never know how it will make you feel. They do their best to anticipate what will happen so before they ever even administer the chemo drugs they pump you full of saline, pain meds, antihistamines, antinausea meds hoping that one or all will minimize the negative effects of the chemo, but it’s never the case. You still end up feeling some odd, surreal feeling.

For me, the worst feeling is the one I’m experiencing now: not quite pain, but a weird, dull sensation in my head, a number, tingling sensation in my head, one that makes me feel out of my body, makes me shift uncomfortably in my seat every few minutes because everything just feels off. Complete unrest.

I keep trying to focus on something else: my book, my phone, my music, the tv, but nothing seems to be working well enough. Time to grin and bear it for another two hours…

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