Well after having numerous emotional breakdowns over the past few weeks, we (My medical team, Mosha and my parents) have decided that its best for me to try to regain some independence. Relying on other people for every little thing has taken a toll on me in many ways, and while I cannot control other things, such as how I may feel physically, I can control how much help I receive from others. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not on an ego trip nor do I plan on being unwise when it comes to asking for help; I know my limits and when I need to reach out. However, constantly having someone who needs to sacrifice aspects of their life to be my caretaker has never sat well with me. In the end, it ultimately adds more stress to my life, which makes me sicker than I already am.
I am fortunate that I have many resources available to me, such as shuttle services to and from my medical appointments, in-home nurse care should I need it, and my medications have been transferred to the pharmacy inside the cancer treatment center, so that I don’t require extra trips to pick up my medications. As for meals, my mom has come down today to spend the weekend prepping meals in advance so that they can be frozen for me for the next few weeks. Once I start running out, then she will come back down and do the same again. Once I’m able to, I would like to go up to their home in Show Low for a week or two to enjoy the cooler weather, and Mosha could join me on the weekends.
We all agree that it will be good for Mosha and I to have space, since its been so long since we have had time to ourselves or a place to ourselves. My brother stays with us now, but he’s recently married and now that him and his wife don’t have to care for me anymore, they can consider what it is that they want to do for themselves, rather than having to factor in being around to watch me, which was stressing me out. No one wants to be the cause of why others aren’t moving forward with their lives. They could be living in her home in California where my brother also makes more money at his job, but instead they’ve been stuck here taking care of me so that my parents could go back home. Now, that won’t be an issue anymore.
I feel an overall sense of relief and also a level of excitement at being able to move forward, on my own, regaining just a bit of my independence back.