I know people who struggle with the idea of God because of how much pain and suffering there is all around us. I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I've been asked "How do you believe in God when He isn't healing you and He allows you to suffer?" For quite a … Continue reading When the Giver of Life Meets the Dealer of Death
I love this post that my friend Leann wrote concerning me and my cancer diagnosis. Reading how this has affected my loved ones is so crucial because it shows me ways that I can help them to cope with this situation. Pop on over for a read!
It has been said that over time couples begin to look like each other. Their attire begins to mesh into similar shades and patterns. Some couples wear the same shoes. Admittedly, this may only hold true for my parents.
In other cases, dogs look like their owners and sometimes both human and animal have similar personality traits. The Museum of Man, located at Balboa Park in San Diego, has an exhibit called Living with Animals. In this exhibit, there’s a game very similar to Old Maid where the player matches a dog to its owner. At first it seems fairly easy—dogs are said to look like their owners. Well, it’s not. Out of 10, I had only one correct.
In retrospect, those whom we call friends tend to be similar to us before we ever meet. Friends are people that we share similar interests with, otherwise why would we call…
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"The results from your last scan show that the primary brain tumor you have has shrunk one millimeter since you began the clinical trial a month ago." Excitement welled up inside me. Tears flooded my eyes. Finally, positive news. Finally, I'm on track to wellness. Then, my prayers of thanksgiving began. To some, it seems like … Continue reading Zoe: A Symbolic Teddy
Hey y'all! Check out my latest vlog where we talk about chemo and drop a special rubber ducky into the CTCA fountain. Enjoy! https://youtu.be/kTT-WPgEoEk
E. That’s what I will call the man who I met today (for anonymity purposes). We spent two hours talking about anything and everything: life as a cancer patient, family, society, politics, religion, you name it. Despite my social anxiety, I really enjoy meeting new people because I believe that we each have valuable insight … Continue reading A Fighter Named E.
Teddy the Therapy Dog DOB: 6.16.13 109 lbs. Fave trick: Shake Fave toy: Anything that squeaks Fave Food: Sour cream coffee cake
Well, I suppose I am long overdue for a medical/life update. Normally around this time I would be taking a nap, but there’s currently a technician in my house doing technical things, so I can’t go have a nap until after he’s done. Honestly, I should probably try and stay awake until this evening anyway … Continue reading Mini update
Today I added a prayer for my fellow warriors onto the prayer wall. Fight on. ✊🏽
The reality of brain cancer. This custom-fitted mesh mask is used to bolt me down on the table while radiation beams are pinpointed at Lyle. This happens 5 times a week for 4 weeks straight.
Cancer hurts those who fight from the sidelines, but it cannot cripple love. Thank you @monabeille @brittyzombiehunter @finchstacey for campaigning for me. Click here to visit fund.
“You never know how strong you are until being strong becomes the only choice you have.”
When you are faced with terminal cancer, one of the things that you inevitably end up doing is evaluating the things you want to do before you die. I was fortunate enough that my family accommodated one of my last wishes by planning a family trip to Disney this last May, where I was able … Continue reading Help Me Complete This!
I stood in the store aisle Pondering which holiday tablecloth piqued my interest the most-- Red with white snowflakes, White with silver trees, Or the rustic reindeer. My hands fumbled, Attempting to match fabric napkins With each design. People came and went, Bumping into my cart, As I still contemplated. On one such occasion, I … Continue reading Breathless
When your reality turns out to be fantasy, mind tricks if you will, it can be an earth-shattering, scary thing. I suspected that the fleeting shadows were figments of my imagination. Sometimes you look from the left to the right too quickly and you think you see something that in reality isn't there at all. … Continue reading Today
Doors. I never knew how scary they could be. I’m currently sitting in a small medical office, waiting for my doctor to knock on the door before he enters to go over my lab results -- results that I already know aren’t positive. I’m not being pessimistic. If you pay attention to your body, you’ll … Continue reading Doors.
Arguably some of the most touchy subjects to tackle from a Christian perspective are depression and anxiety. It's bad enough that depression and anxiety are in and of themselves complex illnesses, but there are varying perspectives within the church about them. Sometimes some of these views are from people who try to genuinely understand depression … Continue reading Anhedonia
I suppose the next logical step in my journey was to start a video diary of my cancer experience, especially now that I am unable to write as often as I use to. I'm sure all my non-reading friends/family/strangers prefer videos as well. So here is my first video. [I promise, the other videos shouldn't … Continue reading I am: Terminally Fierce.
Well after having numerous emotional breakdowns over the past few weeks, we (My medical team, Mosha and my parents) have decided that its best for me to try to regain some independence. Relying on other people for every little thing has taken a toll on me in many ways, and while I cannot control other … Continue reading Regaining independence, one step at a time
Today was emotional for me.I don't really have a reason for being emotional today, other than the fact that I just woke up feeling overwhelmed, stressed out and anxious without cause.Radiation went well, considering the fact that you know, its radiation. Afterward, I was scheduled to see Dr. H (my psychiatrist at the cancer center), … Continue reading Emotions are fickle
Today was day one of radiotherapy. For those of you who don't know, radiotherapy uses radiation, such as x-rays, gamma rays, electron beams or protons, to kill or damage cancer cells and stop them from growing/multiplying. It's a localized treatment, so it only affects the area where they direct the radiation. Unfortunately for me, the … Continue reading Radiotherapy, Day One
I had a really good day today.I absolutely cherish days like today: the ones where I'm happy, feel decent, get to do things I enjoy with people I love, and for the most part, forget that there is a disease threatening my very existence.Our day started off the best way possible, by Mosha and I … Continue reading The outside world!
The worst feeling is when your doctor suggests that your parents aren't suited to be your caregivers. Its not for lack of willingness, but because mum herself is ill, and I worry for her health. I get stressed about her well-being and feel guilty when I know she isn't feeling well but is slaving away … Continue reading Something I didn’t want to hear
I've been having more and more anxiety lately, sometimes for no reason at all. Its like I'll be okay one minute, then the next I'm all tears and "woe is me" but I feel like I'm losing it at times. The constant ups and downs are exhausting in all ways possible.For once I would love … Continue reading An-xie-ty
Decision made: radiotherapy.First, I have an appointment to have my planning scan tomorrow. That's where the radiotherapists will measure the precise spots that need to be radiated. I get to lie on a cold, hard slab of metal practically naked while the techs move around me to align my body with treatment areas and then … Continue reading Decisions & Plans
So my pain (unfortunately) keeps getting worse. I've used more pain medicine in the last two months than I have in the last year of having cancer. Our fears were confirmed when I had my PET scan done and found out that Lyle has grown to the size of a golf ball, and I now … Continue reading New tumors & a relentless Lyle
My pain has grown so much over the last few weeks. I mostly stay at home now, doped up so I can make it through the day. I barely have any interest in anything. I don't have an appetite most days. I feel a lump perpetually in my throat. I tend to dread going to … Continue reading A moment of emo-ness
An update for everyone --I received my stem cell transplant today. It was a rather grueling day: seven straight hours hooked up to various machines getting pumped full of different medicines and eventually, someone else's blood. But, thankfully, it is over, and procedurally, everything went well. Now we wait to see if my body takes … Continue reading Stem Cell Transplant — Complete!
Hello people!It's been a hectic few days. I worked most of Friday, and my last two appointments were for Nay Nay & Lee Lee, so after we finished they treated me to dinner at Cherry Blossom Noodle Cafe. I was looking forward to our dinner all week because I am currently obsessed with their Chicken … Continue reading Plans & Pneumonia
Well, it has been one heck of a day. Ups and downs for sure… I had an appointment this afternoon to do some follow-up testing. (I completed a similar set of tests at the onset of diagnosis.) The tests were extensive and focused on various brain functions. I’ll tackle each area one at a time. … Continue reading I’m Angry at Lyle
I received a call from my doctor’s office this morning. They were calling to schedule some preliminary diagnostic tests to test my brain functions such as my memory, comprehension, word recall, etc. Then, depending on my results, I will be sent to specialized therapists to begin sessions. My diagnostic testing is scheduled one week from … Continue reading Medical Update
It was a pretty lazy, uneventful day for me. I've been dealing with a horrible headache since Sunday. Honestly, it's rather frustrating that no matter what I do or what remedies or medications I try, the pain doesn't ease up. I've take Tylenol, ibuprofen, Excedrin, and the Vicodin I was prescribed. I've slept, made sure … Continue reading The Scars of Battle
I talked to the neurooncologist today. She said that my head pains are normal because of the pressure that the tumor is creating. She had her assistant email me a list of questions that I should fill out whenever I have the head pains, almost like a headache log for us to go over when … Continue reading Icepick Stabbing Pains
Having cancer is one of those things that you improvise, sort of like playing a made up game where you’re making up the rules as you go along. Living with cancer is not one of those games that comes with a 5-page booklet full of step-by-step instructions. While there’s an industry worth billions of nothing … Continue reading Learning As You Go
I can't sleep. It's not one of my better moments. I keep thinking about how it is already week four into chemo and how fast time is going...It just reminds me that life is fleeting, and I feel like I'm quickly approaching this deadline of life that I've been handed, this death sentence, and I … Continue reading Mortality.
Words cannot express how grateful I am for my family. Throughout this trial in my life, they have come through for me like I never could have imagined they would. Today, I was supposed to be in NM with my nephew @ben.morfin watching him race in the Junior Olympics. I couldn't be there because of … Continue reading My favorite athlete.
Tests. No matter what kind of test it may be, I can’t think of any kind of test that doesn’t bring with it some kind of stress or anxiety. Recently, the July bar results were released, and only three people of everyone I know who took it (50+ people) passed. I cannot begin to imagine … Continue reading