But.

I've lived my life Being judged For being genuine, But Others are loved, And accepted, For being Fake.

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Breathless

I stood in the store aisle Pondering which holiday tablecloth piqued my interest the most-- Red with white snowflakes, White with silver trees, Or the rustic reindeer. My hands fumbled, Attempting to match fabric napkins With each design. People came and went, Bumping into my cart, As I still contemplated. On one such occasion, I … Continue reading Breathless

Happiness

Morning kisses from Mosha When mom sings "You are my sunshine" to me Chocolate smoothies Random check-in calls from Pops Good books Dailies with the Nerd Herd Taking pictures Sunday night Walking Dead with Mosha Christmas time (the trees, lights, baking, decorations, music and time with family) Milo's floppy ears and Leesi's nap time snuggles … Continue reading Happiness

Today

When your reality turns out to be fantasy, mind tricks if you will, it can be an earth-shattering, scary thing. I suspected that the fleeting shadows were figments of my imagination. Sometimes you look from the left to the right too quickly and you think you see something that in reality isn't there at all. … Continue reading Today

Doors.

Doors. I never knew how scary they could be. I’m currently sitting in a small medical office, waiting for my doctor to knock on the door before he enters to go over my lab results -- results that I already know aren’t positive. I’m not being pessimistic. If you pay attention to your body, you’ll … Continue reading Doors.

Anhedonia

Arguably some of the most touchy subjects to tackle from a Christian perspective are depression and anxiety. It's bad enough that depression and anxiety are in and of themselves complex illnesses, but there are varying perspectives within the church about them. Sometimes some of these views are from people who try to genuinely understand depression … Continue reading Anhedonia

Chapter III

Skull Valley, La Noscea, 1568Vyne glanced up and down several times, looking between the strange terrain around her--vibrant formations of crystal and rock with senseless, clashing textures and colors assaulting her eyesight and making her cringe--back down to the map clutched in her gloved hands. She had studied and read plenty of maps, but actually … Continue reading Chapter III

Emotions are fickle

Today was emotional for me.I don't really have a reason for being emotional today, other than the fact that I just woke up feeling overwhelmed, stressed out and anxious without cause.Radiation went well, considering the fact that you know, its radiation. Afterward, I was scheduled to see Dr. H (my psychiatrist at the cancer center), … Continue reading Emotions are fickle

Patient X

In the patient restroom located on the second floor at the Cancer Treatment Center of America (CTCA), I saw an alarming amount of dried blood on paper towels in the waste basket. The sight made me experience a wide range of emotions, from sadness to anger to relief. It makes me wonder what that patient … Continue reading Patient X

Stem Cell Transplant — Complete!

An update for everyone --I received my stem cell transplant today. It was a rather grueling day: seven straight hours hooked up to various machines getting pumped full of different medicines and eventually, someone else's blood. But, thankfully, it is over, and procedurally, everything went well. Now we wait to see if my body takes … Continue reading Stem Cell Transplant — Complete!

Open.

I’m an open book, but just because you’ve read my pages doesn't mean I trust you. You can read all my passages, learn every word by heart. You'll never understand me.I don't hide things, yet I have secrets. Each word is written in ink, blood, ash and tears. Stained with years of torment, broken hearts … Continue reading Open.

Matthew 11:30

I love this #braincancerawareness #bracelet. It's a gentle reminder that even when I don't feel #brave, God is with me supplying me with courage and strength. | Matt.11:30 | #ilovejesus #chemotherapy #cancersucks