Chapter III

Skull Valley, La Noscea, 1568 Vyne glanced up and down several times, looking between the strange terrain around her–vibrant formations of crystal and rock with senseless, clashing textures and colors assaulting her eyesight and making her cringe–back down to the map clutched in her gloved hands. She had studied and read plenty of maps, but…

Project 365 — 50% complete!

For those of you who don’t already know, I vowed to take one picture a day for this entire year. I am proud to day that I have been successful in doing so! This is a few weeks overdue, but here is a video of my pictures from the first half of the year. Enjoy!…

Regaining independence, one step at a time

Well after having numerous emotional breakdowns over the past few weeks, we (My medical team, Mosha and my parents) have decided that its best for me to try to regain some independence. Relying on other people for every little thing has taken a toll on me in many ways, and while I cannot control other…

A day with Finchy

I had a long overdue visit from Finchy today. She was off work, so she offered to take me to my radiotherapy appointment in the morning, then we spent the rest of the day hanging out at my place.

Horticulture therapy

After yesterday’s emotional ups and downs, my mom and dad suggested that each day I do something positive each day, like crafting, drawing, writing, reading, etc. Today, I did just that, and decided to start getting my garden ready for planting season. I also decided that I wanted to move my hanging planters from the…

Emotions are fickle

Today was emotional for me. I don’t really have a reason for being emotional today, other than the fact that I just woke up feeling overwhelmed, stressed out and anxious without cause.

Radiotherapy, Day One

Today was day one of radiotherapy. For those of you who don’t know, radiotherapy uses radiation, such as x-rays, gamma rays, electron beams or protons, to kill or damage cancer cells and stop them from growing/multiplying. It’s a localized treatment, so it only affects the area where they direct the radiation. Unfortunately for me, the…

Freedom in moderation

I can’t really recall whether or not I had mentioned this previously, but yesterday I wasn’t required to go into the treatment center! My levels are at a safe enough level to where I don’t require daily monitoring anymore, and that my friends, is very big news for me.

Something I didn’t want to hear

The worst feeling is when your doctor suggests that your parents aren’t suited to be your caregivers. Its not for lack of willingness, but because mum herself is ill, and I worry for her health. I get stressed about her well-being and feel guilty when I know she isn’t feeling well but is slaving away…

An-xie-ty

I’ve been having more and more anxiety lately, sometimes for no reason at all. Its like I’ll be okay one minute, then the next I’m all tears and “woe is me” but I feel like I’m losing it at times. The constant ups and downs are exhausting in all ways possible.

New tumors & a relentless Lyle

So my pain (unfortunately) keeps getting worse. I’ve used more pain medicine in the last two months than I have in the last year of having cancer.

Even tough people crack

Everyone has an idea of what makes them them, and for me, I have always been someone who likes to think of themselves as strong. When faced with adversity, I choose to state at it emotionless, in the face. Sure, I might be terrified, but I don’t like to show it. I feel the need…

Writing because I have to

I’m having a hard time finding the will to write. Sometimes I don’t feel physically able and other times its because I feel like I have changed. When I pick up my pen or laptop, I find myself unable to put anything of substance down. Nowadays, not a lot matters. The days just pass me…

A moment of emo-ness

My pain has grown so much over the last few weeks. I mostly stay at home now, doped up so I can make it through the day. I barely have any interest in anything. I don’t have an appetite most days. I feel a lump perpetually in my throat. I tend to dread going to…

Renewed vigor, for the moment

So its been apparent to me that I’ve been a little more angry than usual. I feel like it was bound to happen at some point. Although the drugs account for a large portion of my mood swings, I also have to take ownership for my lack of patience and increased resentment over the past…

Patient X

In the patient restroom located on the second floor at the Cancer Treatment Center of America (CTCA), I saw an alarming amount of dried blood on paper towels in the waste basket. The sight made me experience a wide range of emotions, from sadness to anger to relief. It makes me wonder what that patient…

Dear Cancer, Part II

I am disgusted, saddened and angry that you impact so many lives, every second, every minute of every day you are being introduced to someone new. “Hi, my name is Cancer, and I’m going to put your life on hold for an unspecified amount of time; So please mark your diary as ‘full for the…

Stem Cell Transplant — Complete!

An update for everyone — I received my stem cell transplant today. It was a rather grueling day: seven straight hours hooked up to various machines getting pumped full of different medicines and eventually, someone else’s blood. But, thankfully, it is over, and procedurally, everything went well. Now we wait to see if my body…

That odd sensation

I wish I knew how to describe how this feels. Each time is different, and I think that’s part of what makes this horrible. You never know how it will make you feel. They do their best to anticipate what will happen so before they ever even administer the chemo drugs they pump you full…

Almost asleep

I hate sitting in my room, in the lap of luxury. I look around and it’s like the walls are eating me, it’s like some disease and I can’t scratch it off my skin. I drag my nails over goosebumps and hate being here. I shake and cry cold and silent tears in a too…

Moments.

Ever had a moment when you just don’t know how you do it? How you keep going? How you made it this far? Ever looked back and cringed at all the years taken from you by depression and thought, oh god, it’s no wonder I don’t know how to function. I didn’t for so long,…

Open.

I’m an open book, but just because you’ve read my pages doesn’t mean I trust you. You can read all my passages, learn every word by heart. You’ll never understand me.

Matthew 11:30

I love this #braincancerawareness #bracelet. It’s a gentle reminder that even when I don’t feel #brave, God is with me supplying me with courage and strength. | Matt.11:30 | #ilovejesus #chemotherapy #cancersucks

My Little Ham

This little angel came with me while I got my injections. 

My Love <3

I love my big boy!! | @milotheservicedog | #dogs #labrador #handsome A post shared by Hollz Anderson (@hollzanderson) on Apr 2, 2017 at 2:42pm PDT

Ladies’ Night at Mora Italian

Yesterday I decided that I wanted to have a ladies’ night out with my mom and Stacey, a night where we could dress up fancy and get dolled up to enjoy ourselves. While thinking of what we should do, I remembered that my favorite chef Scott Conant (known for his work as a judge on…

Stand tall. 

Sometimes you just have to take a stand for yourself. You deserve respect. You deserve to be treated like a human being — nothing less.

I am an Autobot.

I talked to my oncologist today. She explained the cancer to me in a way I hadn’t heard before.

Chapter II

The Valentyne Manor, East Shroud, 1568 The ticking of the clock was the only sound in the parlor, save for the occasional shift of papers each time the teenage Vyne turned the page of the book she held above her face, reading sprawled out over the sofa. Her mother sat in the arm chair nearby,…

Chapter I

The Valentyne Manor, East Shroud, 1561 The door slowly shoved open, a pair of wide, purple eyes the color of amethyst peeking in through the crack a few ilms wide, a button nose set beneath them, and under it a pair of soft lips. Through the small opening she could only see a forearm and…

Plans & Pneumonia

Hello people! It’s been a hectic few days. I worked most of Friday, and my last two appointments were for Nay Nay & Lee Lee, so after we finished they treated me to dinner at Cherry Blossom Noodle Cafe. I was looking forward to our dinner all week because I am currently obsessed with their…

New Year, New Goals

I’m baaaaack. I was able to pick up my laptop from the Apple Store today, and I couldn’t be more excited! I can now get back to regular writing, which is perfect because writing more regularly is part of my new year resolutions for 2017, as well as part of my agreement to Rara helping…

Spittaz For’Em Presents: Exile

This last Saturday night my honey (Deven, known to me as Mosha or Honey, and to others by his stage name Dnoch) had a performance at an event called Exile, sponsored by Spittaz For’Em  from Las Vegas.