This year, "being thankful" doesn't quite look the same for me as it has in the past. I'm dealing with a different type of brokenness that I've never experienced before. My Thanksgiving plans have been tossed high into the air in light of my current physical plight. As I write this, rather than being home … Continue reading A New Take on Gratitude
I know people who struggle with the idea of God because of how much pain and suffering there is all around us. I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I've been asked "How do you believe in God when He isn't healing you and He allows you to suffer?" For quite a … Continue reading When the Giver of Life Meets the Dealer of Death
Unquenchable Unable to be quenched - not capable of being satisfied, quelled, or discouraged. I love when God so perfectly orchestrates life in order to meet your needs. For this long I’ve managed to maintain a positive outlook on life, despite the curveballs that are thrown our way. At times, the world around me seems … Continue reading Unquenchable
Dear _____, Do you remember the first time we met? I was young, and we were at his house for the weekend. It wasn’t long until he was on another drunken binge - probably high, too - before he began looking for someone to take out his pent-up anger on. We were there, and it … Continue reading Dear Nobody – Part I
E. That’s what I will call the man who I met today (for anonymity purposes). We spent two hours talking about anything and everything: life as a cancer patient, family, society, politics, religion, you name it. Despite my social anxiety, I really enjoy meeting new people because I believe that we each have valuable insight … Continue reading A Fighter Named E.
Well, I suppose I am long overdue for a medical/life update. Normally around this time I would be taking a nap, but there’s currently a technician in my house doing technical things, so I can’t go have a nap until after he’s done. Honestly, I should probably try and stay awake until this evening anyway … Continue reading Mini update
God, Love, Synergy.
I've lived my life Being judged For being genuine, But Others are loved, And accepted, For being Fake.
I stood in the store aisle Pondering which holiday tablecloth piqued my interest the most-- Red with white snowflakes, White with silver trees, Or the rustic reindeer. My hands fumbled, Attempting to match fabric napkins With each design. People came and went, Bumping into my cart, As I still contemplated. On one such occasion, I … Continue reading Breathless
Morning kisses from Mosha When mom sings "You are my sunshine" to me Chocolate smoothies Random check-in calls from Pops Good books Dailies with the Nerd Herd Taking pictures Sunday night Walking Dead with Mosha Christmas time (the trees, lights, baking, decorations, music and time with family) Milo's floppy ears and Leesi's nap time snuggles … Continue reading Happiness
When your reality turns out to be fantasy, mind tricks if you will, it can be an earth-shattering, scary thing. I suspected that the fleeting shadows were figments of my imagination. Sometimes you look from the left to the right too quickly and you think you see something that in reality isn't there at all. … Continue reading Today
Doors. I never knew how scary they could be. I’m currently sitting in a small medical office, waiting for my doctor to knock on the door before he enters to go over my lab results -- results that I already know aren’t positive. I’m not being pessimistic. If you pay attention to your body, you’ll … Continue reading Doors.
You need to toss the ashes of your burned memories away. You’ve kept them for far too long. It’s time to utter out loud the things that you’ve locked away, hoarding them deep within yourself. It’s time to share the things you’ve only shared with those whose hearts are safe and true, those who you … Continue reading Note to Self
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I hate sitting in my room, in the lap of luxury. I look around and it's like the walls are eating me, it's like some disease and I can't scratch it off my skin. I drag my nails over goosebumps and hate being here. I shake and cry cold and silent tears in a too … Continue reading Almost asleep
Ever had a moment when you just don't know how you do it? How you keep going? How you made it this far? Ever looked back and cringed at all the years taken from you by depression and thought, oh god, it's no wonder I don't know how to function. I didn't for so long, … Continue reading Moments.
I’m an open book, but just because you’ve read my pages doesn't mean I trust you. You can read all my passages, learn every word by heart. You'll never understand me.I don't hide things, yet I have secrets. Each word is written in ink, blood, ash and tears. Stained with years of torment, broken hearts … Continue reading Open.
The Valentyne Manor, East Shroud, 1568The ticking of the clock was the only sound in the parlor, save for the occasional shift of papers each time the teenage Vyne turned the page of the book she held above her face, reading sprawled out over the sofa. Her mother sat in the arm chair nearby, busy … Continue reading Chapter II
The Valentyne Manor, East Shroud, 1561The door slowly shoved open, a pair of wide, purple eyes the color of amethyst peeking in through the crack a few ilms wide, a button nose set beneath them, and under it a pair of soft lips. Through the small opening she could only see a forearm and a … Continue reading Chapter I
Well, it has been one heck of a day. Ups and downs for sure… I had an appointment this afternoon to do some follow-up testing. (I completed a similar set of tests at the onset of diagnosis.) The tests were extensive and focused on various brain functions. I’ll tackle each area one at a time. … Continue reading I’m Angry at Lyle
Having cancer is one of those things that you improvise, sort of like playing a made up game where you’re making up the rules as you go along. Living with cancer is not one of those games that comes with a 5-page booklet full of step-by-step instructions. While there’s an industry worth billions of nothing … Continue reading Learning As You Go
Today is the start of my fourth week of chemo, and sometimes it's still surreal that I have brain cancer. It just doesn't seem real. In so many ways I feel the same as always, almost like nothing is different except for the fact that I get sick a lot, have lost some hair and … Continue reading The Battle I Didn’t Choose
A/N: I decided yesterday that I need to write more. Not just more, but daily. I know that this is something that I've told myself to do plenty of times, and clearly, I have never stuck to those goals long-term. So what makes this day any different? Honestly, I don’t even know if I have … Continue reading My 500 Words — Day One
Introduction of a new story I’m writing. I’m currently reading Frank Peretti’s “This Present Darkness” and was inspired to start writing. It’ll be interesting to see where this ends up.
A storm was coming. Gray clouds swept across the sky, stealing light from moon and stars alike. With the clouds came the Shadows. From the frozen north they rode the wild winds, surging across the barren lands, above the tumultous sea, over the jagged peaks. A dark swarm filled with malice. At the foot of the mountains they paused; they were summoned.
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I went on a wild hunt for my collection of stamps and my embossing heat tool, which led to me pulling out all of the Christmas decorations and putting them up. I'm missing some...particularly a set of moose stuffed animals that I put out on my entertainment center. (My mom and pops gave them to … Continue reading Progression.
Some days are harder than others. Some days, the words flow freely from my mind through my fingertips into my computer, and other days I sit in front of the screen, a million thoughts flowing through my head, not quite making the full trip to my hands. In these latter moments, the logical part of … Continue reading A Writer’s Block (Literally)
displacedvoid: @hollzanderson Once a week. Three months. The start of great beginnings with great friends.
Your lips tasted like heaven But you left traces of Burning hell Down my throat. II. We loved. When our skin brushed, The wound on my thigh somehow rooted into Buttresses of your veins. It poisoned your heart and Robbed your breath away. III. I left. That night when your eyes burnt In liquor wildfire… … Continue reading I. We kissed.
He has shards of crystals embedded in his heart, and his rusted wounds bleed from the rose. He smells like vodka, but he talks as if he engulfs fireballs. He always brings his broken violin because he has a shredded past, entwined within his music sheets. He smiles because the mermaids once brought him down, … Continue reading
You’re not poison ivy, and you’re not crushed mimosa. You’re not a history of screw ups and let downs. You are not a choking hazard with nothing else to give. You’re not his or hers or theirs to be tugged and pulled around by their selfish and egocentric whims, and your future is certainly not … Continue reading Here’s to those who are hurting.
In my life, writing has been an important exercise to clarify what I believe, what I see, what I care about, what my deepest values are. The process of converting a jumble of thoughts into coherent sentences makes you ask tougher questions. — Barack Obama via https://dayone.me/24d0zOo
New journal for the new year!
Reese’s Puffs Cookie Crisp via https://dayone.me/15VdzcK
This year has been relatively mellow compared to other years. I haven’t experienced too many exciting things like other years (for example, last year I both graduated with my Bachelor’s degree and was accepted and started law school). My highs this year were mostly simple things. The one that comes to mind first is that … Continue reading Your highs/lows this year
My top three favorite animals are the honey badger, sloth and llama. - I like to open the sun roof in my car to keep from feeling closed in. - My roller derby name is “Rott Wilder” and I’ve dubbed my personal emblem as a zombie Rottweiler. - My favorite colors are teal and purple, … Continue reading 20 Facts About Yourself
Ode by Arthur O'Shaughnessy We are the music-makers, And we are the dreamers of dreams, Wandering by lone sea-breakers And sitting by desolate streams; World losers and world forsakers, On whom the pale moon gleams: Yet we are the movers and shakers Of the world for ever, it seems. With wonderful deathless ditties We build … Continue reading A Quote or Lyrics That You Like and Why
Change in the House of Flies Deftones I’m Into You Chet Faker All I Need Is You Lecrae Summer Calvin Harris Do I Wanna Know? Arctic Monkeys Hallelujah Rufus Wainwright Forever Kari Jobe This Head I Hold Electric Guest Me Atmosphere In My Time of Dying The Be Good Tanyas via https://dayone.me/14qOz9m
The Witching Hour by Anne Rice This may be my all time favorite book. Ever. I first read this book when I was 9 years old. I skimmed through it, reading bits and pieces. As I got older, I kept picking this book up and re-reading it, gleaning more and more of the information contained … Continue reading Your favorite book and why
I have mixed feelings about this. I know that some things are lawful, but I don’t believe that they’re beneficial. Its hard because I used to fill my life with too much of both of these, but I guess right now in my life, I see more harm and havoc caused by drugs and alcohol … Continue reading Your views on drugs/alcohol